I wish the public could see what the hospitals look like these days.

A nurse shares the devastation of watching patients die, and her support for the lockdown to keep us safe.

Why do I want to share this story? So other healthcare workers are reminded that they are not alone.

I describe working on a COVID unit as similar to being on a battlefield. Every newly available bed is filled with a patient sicker than the last. 

Watching your patient continue to worsen while concerned families call crying and pleading to speak to their loved one is heartbreaking. Hearing family scream “I love you” to your patient as you hold the phone to their ear...it shatters my heart. 

Yet, hearing my patients constantly gasping for breath causes me to fully support keeping their families safe at home. Seeing more COVID patients decline than recover is draining. Having multiple patients start to decline quickly and at the same time is stressful. 

There are only so many of us. When I’m in a code I often find myself praying that the other patients are holding on and remaining stable. These are dark times in healthcare. I am not familiar with not being able to help someone get better. 

I wish the public could see what the hospitals look like these days. If they did, I think everyone would respect the lockdown. A good day at work used to be getting out on time. Now a good day at work is not having a patient die on your shift. 

Reflecting on the COVID pandemic, I remind myself that we all are just doing what we can. And that’s all we can do. 

To everyone: whether it’s supporting the lockdown or working the front lines, please stay safe and God bless you.

Brittney Riedel, Nurse, Chicago